I’m convinced that 99% of the events that shaped the most of who I am today happened in the past 2 years.

Meeting (and also losing) a lot of friends.

Dealing with serious injuries.

Getting rejected by different guys I liked 2 years in a row, always on my birthday…but well, that’s a story on another day ;).

As I was reflecting on all of these experiences and how they affected me, I noticed something interesting:

Some of these experiences pulled me into a deep rut (that took a long time to escape), while some of them turned into some of my favorite life memories up to date.

The question I’ve been intensely reflecting on over the past week:

What made the difference between those situations?

What made the difference between times when I would let the external conditions hold me back, and times when I would use them as a fuel to grow?

That’s what I’d like to explore in today’s essay.

After examining the situation closer, I noticed a pattern emerging.

A pattern in my thinking and behavior.

And I realized that in the times when I would turn everything to my advantage, the best way to describe myself would be by using the following term:

A Person in the Arena.

“What the heck do you mean by this Claudia? Who is the Person in the Arena?”

The Person in the Arena is the type of person who’s always eager to close the gap between where they are right now in life and where they want to be.

They don’t wish things were different. They don’t hope. They don’t sit around and wait for things to happen.

No.

They’re the ones who happen to things. They’re the ones always seeking to improve their life situation.

You know, people who start building their business as soon as they get the first idea.

People who when they say they’ll start learning a new language, within one week they can have basic conversations with native speakers.

People who when they see someone they like in public, they go and talk to them.

There are many examples.

And whenever I remember some of my life’s favorite memories, I’m the Person in the Arena in all of them.

So the question is:

How can you become one too?

Here are a few of my thoughts:

1) Question Your Beliefs

A lot of times the reason people aren’t closing the gap between the person they are and the person they wish to become is because they don’t truly believe they can become that person.

They feel like “they’re not good enough” or it “doesn’t feel real” to them.

Well, if I could pinpoint the most valuable realization I had in the past 3 months, it would be this:

All of us are running on a script. A script that dictates our beliefs and behavior. The problem is most people think the script was created by default, where in fact, we are the ones writing it.

Well, not exactly. Society, culture, and upbringing also have a huge impact. But we can always change the script in a way that’s going to serve us much better.

Here are 2 ways how:

a) Learn to question your own beliefs

The best way to do that?

Journaling.

Try this simple practice:

Journal about anything you’d like to achieve one day but don’t feel very likely to you.

Whenever you notice a statement that says why this thing isn’t possible, turn it into a question instead.

The best one to start with is probably why: “Why does this belief have to be true? Why it can’t be any other way? “

Questions open our minds. Statements keep it closed. (h/t: traf)

Do this practice every single day, and slowly watch your beliefs becoming more flexible.

2) Find someone else to help you question your own beliefs

Intellectual sparring partner, in a sense.

Your blessing in life is when you find people who are constantly holding you up to a higher standard, yet at the same time are comfortable with where you are right now.

And if you think people like this don’t exist...

Try Twitter.

2) Action

Obviously…

You can’t be the Person in the Arena if you in fact aren’t getting into the arena.

What holds most people back here is the feeling they’re not prepared enough, or that it isn’t the right time.

So let me give you a little challenge for you:

Avoid the Fresh Start effect.

The Fresh Start effect is a psychological bias that essentially tells us that we’re more likely to start things when we have the sense of a “fresh start”.

You know those statements like:

“Once I’ll move to LA, I’ll go for a run every single day.”

“Once I finish my finals, I’ll start working on my business.”

“I’ll start the new diet plan on Monday.”

These are perfect examples.

The thing is, when you start only in those times when you 'feel' like it, chances are you'll also quit as soon as you don't feel like doing the task.

Counterintuitively, if you start when you feel like it the least, chances are you won't give up that easily.

Because after all, you realize that the best way to start 'feeling like it' is to start.

So…

Start.

Even if your plan isn’t perfect. Just throw yourself out there, and let the universe give you feedback.

Which brings me to the third point…

3) Reflect & Realign

Certain things might not work on the first try.

Or second.

Or the third.

You might get rejected.

You might suck at the thing more than you expect.

You might get zero likes.

The point is to be iterative.

You have to keep trying again, and again - but at the same time, tweak your approach a bit each time.

But when you’re in the arena, don’t leave.

The best way to learn how to fight is to let punches be thrown at you.

Also, remember the concept of the Third Door:

Bottom Line:

In one video from Ryan Holiday, I read about a great question to ask yourself from time to time:

Will this be alive time or dead time?

Remember:

People outside the arena are always waiting for the alive time.

People in the arena are alive all the time.

Because life is the arena.

So get in there.

Alright, that’s it for today.

If you made it this far, let me know your thoughts on this email.

Talk on Sunday,

– Claudia

P.S.: This song really gives off the Person in the Arena vibes